You may or may not know me: My name is Marissa, I’m a full-time children’s book writer and illustrator, a coffee enthusiast and a cat mom. I’ve been seriously illustrating for the past couple of years and broke into the children’s book industry in October of 2020 (yup, mid-covid) by illustrating my first picture book, AMBITIOUS GIRL, written by Meena Harris.
So, why am I starting this blog? Well…
Recently, I took a break from social media. It wasn’t an intentional thing: earlier this year I went on vacation where I hid away in a no-internet-access mountain cabin for two weeks. That gave me the chance to breathe and step away from the platform for a bit. But when I came back from vacation I just kept on taking a break. And it was the same for the next week, and the week after that and (you guessed it) the week after that, until now, almost six months out from my last post.
Here’s what I’ve learned from my break: It’s. Been. Glorious not being on instagram. I’ve loved not worrying about posting constantly, about my constantly-in-flux like count and about whether or not I’ll have enough time to create new illustrations for instagram on top of working through my constantly looming book deadlines (let the book gods take pity on me).
But the thing that’s really kept me away from the platform is plain and simple: my mental health significantly declined when I was on instagram, like a lot.
Here’s why:
I started to focus on my follower count (which is in the high 2k right now) and based my self worth as an artist on the 10k follower mark, even though I had and still have book deals consistently coming in.
I doubted my style and my artistic decisions when one post did better than the others and vice-versa. If I made a piece I was really proud of, but it bombed on instagram, did that mean I couldn’t trust my artistic sense? Did I actually have terrible taste? By the way, the answer is no, my taste (and if you’re feeling this way, yours too) is fine.
The guilt, oh the guilt! The guilt ate me up alive when I had promised to do something on instagram, like a challenge or staying on a regular posting schedule, even though I knew that I didn’t have time for it because I was already spending all of my waking time drawing, writing, cooking or doing laundry. I felt like a failure when I couldn’t post regularly.
I felt like instagram didn’t really want me to share my true personality and thoughts. It often felt like I was docked points for creating posts with longer form writing or for sharing aspects of myself that didn’t necessarily fit with my cute children’s book illustrator persona (like when I shared that I like listening to true crime podcasts and lost 30+ followers). We’re all unique, well-rounded human beings; I don’t feel comfortable hiding who I am or acting like a cardboard cut-out of myself. I love seeing when my favorite illustrators are genuine about their life outside of illustration!
Those feelings, the ones of self-doubt and confusion, built up over the past several years and culminated in me dropping the platform entirely. But like I said before, I felt better being off of it. My mind was clearer, I felt happier about the work I was making and I was making more room in my life for things like hobbies (could you imagine??).
But I do miss one GIANT thing about Instagram: the community of artists. And I’ve heard a lot of artists saying they’re staying with IG because of the same reason.
When COVID started, IG became the place where I connected with artists and illustrators the most. In 2020 and 2021, I connected with artists that gave me advice that helped me switch careers, with illustrators that make up the critique groups that I adore now, and with artists that have become my good, good friends!
Sooo, I’m not breaking up with social media entirely (you’ve got me still IG!). I’m planning on going back to instagram, but I’m making sure that it’s not going to be the only representation of who I am as an artist. I love getting to know artists through their blogs and newsletters, when they share their processes, thoughts, and influences, so why can’t I (and you!) do that as well?
What my goals, mental health and artistic, are for this blog:
To share my thoughts with an audience in a genuine and authentic way.
To share my in-process work, to share new book projects and writing, to share things I’ve learned about children’s books along the way and to give actionable advice (because I think being an illustrator is all about taking action!).
To share my authentic thoughts about events happening in the book industry without worrying about how that might affect my follower count (some of my ideas for future blog posts are like why the industry isn’t more transparent about how much illustrators get paid, what it’s been like to work with major publishers and my own trouble with organizing and maintaining my children’s book business.)
To start a newsletter attached to this blog to get content out to people consistently, so I don’t have to try to adapt to a constantly changing algorithm.
Wowee, just writing out those goals makes my brain feel clearer! Ya’ll, I’m hoping that through these goals, I’ll be able to maintain my social-media-mental-health in a much happier and more sustainable way.
So I invite you to join me on this new blog journey! And you know what, if you’re feeling the same way about social media at the moment, maybe we can figure out how you can share your genuine self in a healthy and positive way together.
Thanks and see you on the flip side (of this blog)!
